


I Just Keep On Hoping That It's Not Too Late For Me

by BritishGirlWhoWrites



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: 'This Farm Crap', 3x21 Promo, Angst, Cults, F/F, Hospitals, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote this instead of studying, I'll Add More Tags At Some Point, Oneshot, Rescues, based on promo, choni, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 13:15:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18700345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BritishGirlWhoWrites/pseuds/BritishGirlWhoWrites
Summary: "Cheryl... we need to get out. We need to get out of here, right now. We can't go on in here forever, you know that, right? We'll figure something out... we always figure something out... I'm not going to let them hurt you, I promise, baby-"-Some take on the 3x21 promo, Choni escaping from the farm and the aftermath of that.





	I Just Keep On Hoping That It's Not Too Late For Me

**Author's Note:**

> Do I have exams in two weeks? Yes! But did I decide to write an 11K oneshot? Also yes!
> 
> Felt inspired to write for the 3x21 promo, but got a little carried away. Fairs, since I'd be writing the same sorta oneshot probably after 3x21, but at that point I'd be cutting too close and risking my grades more so... see, I *am* logical?!
> 
> Anyway, lemme know if this is any good (or not!), aaand this is my preliminary thoughts on the promo and the lighting made it hard to see... anyway, enjoy!

The whole concept of this place made Toni feel sick to her stomach.

She'd felt exactly like this even before the Sisters Of Quiet Mercy had become a cult, in it's previous role, as an orphanage - or, more accurately, illegal gay conversation therapy camp, as it had been that first time she'd stepped into the building through one of the old tunnels round the back.

That night hadn't been all bad. Yes, in the most part it had been, but that was forgetting that it was in one of these rooms where Cheryl and Toni had shared their first kiss, reunited after fears of never seeing each other again, after so many lonely, fearful nights.

They have been reunited in this building, which to memory still had the same smell, very little changed apart from some of the furniture having been removed in the less derelict quarters the farm had decided to reside in. And Kevin and Fangs had been ‘united’ here, whatever that meant. But one thing was for sure, and that was that the brunette wouldn't let herself get married in a fucking cult, in the same fucking building where her girlfriend was tortured physically and psychologically using unthinkable methods.

God - two weeks. It had only been two weeks that she'd first stepped into the room with Edgar and exaggerated how much she wanted to join the farm, what she could offer to it, trying to hard to make them believe from go that she was there to be a member of the Farm rather than to look out for her girlfriend who was torn between her and this... this lifestyle.

In those two weeks, she'd done everything she could to still be a member, to make her involvement in the cult seem completely genuine and avoid being kicked out (or worse, as she could probably imagine) and to make Cheryl happy. She'd had to make Betty believe that she was in, because she knew that if she didn't, the whole plan would disintegrate in just days. Make everyone believe she was in.

And right now? Honestly, she hated it. She was completely and utterly done with it.

She hated it even more when she walked into their bedroom at Thistlehouse one night after work, expecting the redhead to already be fast asleep considering it was almost two in the morning, but instead she was shocked to see Cheryl crumpled over in floods of tears, her heart clenching at the sight.

_If they had hurt her-_

The brunette inhaled a deep breathe, walking slowly over to the bed she was curled up on and touching Cheryl's back tentatively. The redhead was quick to wrap her arms around her girlfriend, sobbing louder into her ear at the touch she knew all too well. When she tried to speak, her words came out in stuttering, shuddering breaths, and there was no hiding the redness of her eyes.

_God, what had happened when she'd been gone? It had only been-_

"Baby, I need you to try to calm down for me," Toni tried to keep her heart and breathing rate steady. "Match my breathing, and then we can talk about what’s happened. Good girl... that's it, breathe..."

The redhead took a few shuddering breaths before ultimately giving up, shaving her head frantically. Toni sighed, opening her mouth to say something but being cut off before any words could come to mind.

"They t-told me I couldn't see h-him anymore!" the redhead blurted out with a sob. "Edgar t-told me I w-wasn't allowed to see Jason anymore... I need to see him, Toni, I c-can't live-"

She tried not to let her heart break so cleanly at the other girl's words of agony.

"Why?"

Cheryl sniffled.

"He s-said I need to h-heal. That I c-can't do that if h-he's here."

She knew exactly who the 'he' that Cheryl was referring to was, and she felt anger flow through her immediately.

_How dare he- how dare he use Jason against her, to get her in on his plot, only to tell her that she couldn't see him anymore, when the route out was impossible? How-_

"Toni, I can't do this anymore," Cheryl wailed into her shoulder. "I don't want to... I can't be here without Jason, I n-need to keep seeing my brother. They took him away... they told me that they wouldn't take him away from me, they p-promised me-"

_If this was it-_

"Cheryl... we need to get out. We need to get out of here, right now, if he's taking that from you..."

"I don't want to leave, though, Toni-"

"Baby... Cheryl, babe, we  _have_  to leave. You're only here for Jason, I recall? And now he's gone... Cher, it seems unsafe here... I don't trust anybody, not at all, so then why are we staying?"

Cheryl shook her head, tears flowing freely now.

"He'll be a-angry..."

This was a mess. This was all just one huge mess...

"I'm not putting up with you being unhappy, though, Cheryl. Please... you can't go on in here forever, you  _know_  that, right?"

"-but-"

"We can do it," she told her firmly. "We can do it, but only if  _you_  want to. We'll figure something out. We always figure something out... I'm not going to let them hurt you, I promise, baby-"

 

* * *

 

And so they went, one last time, to one of their farm meetings. Made an excuse about how they were 'busy' that night to get out early, and went to the room where the tapes were kept, Cheryl keeping an eye out from the crack in the doorway as Toni paced the room, grabbing boxes and searching through them for theirs.

"Hurry!"

"I'm going as quick as I can, I promise," Toni sounded out of breath and she stood on her tiptoes and reached up for the box on the top shelf, struggling under the weight of it as she tried not to drop it on the floor as she grabbed it from over her head. "These serpent missions did me good in finding stuff specifically hidden..."

She turned to Cheryl for a second, who's face was scrunched up in desperation, lips slightly parted and flinching at every echo of every footstep.

Cheryl was terrified. Of course she was. And so was Toni, but the difference was that the redhead had to watch her girlfriend helplessly as she pulled out tapes in boxes frantically, closer to the door in case anybody came in.

"Cher, if you want-" she didn't take her eyes away from the contents of the box for a second, "-if you want, we can just go now. I don't care about my tape... what are they going to do with it, anywhere? There's nothing on there they can hurt me with, and frankly I don't care-"

"Toni, please, whatever you choose to do, make it fast. I-"

"Breathe, baby. We need to stay calm, act like nothing's happened, like we're innocent, and I know that you can't help it, I know that so well, but please... you need to try and stay calm. You can do that, baby, I know you can," she could see her girlfriend nod out of the corner of her eye. "We're going to get the tapes, then we're going to leave, and then we- ah, got it!"

Cheryl paced back towards her, grabbing the tapes from between the brunette's fingers and shoving them in her purse frantically as Toni put the lid back on the box and slid it onto the shelf before turning back to the redhead and kissing her cheek quickly as she took her paler hand in hers.

"You ready, babe?"

Cheryl squeezed her hand in response. Toni forced a smile.

"Okay. Okay; let's do this. Stay right with me, promise?"

"Promise."

Cracking the door open again slightly, they waited until the hallway was clear, before heading straight down it towards the entrance.

"We're almost out of here, baby..." Toni whispered as they turned the corner. "Just a little longer, act casual and it will be a piece of cake-"

Cheryl whimpered. "What about-"

"We'll figure it out," Toni interrupted, trying to sound as reassuring as she possibly could despite her heart beating her in throat. "I promise I won't let anyone hurt you. They're not going to get to you that easily, they'll have to go through me first-"

Toni looked up to her girlfriend with a reassuring smile, to which the redhead replicated, but it only lasted for a second before it was crossed over with an expression of blind panic and she was about to ask what was going on when-

"You really think we don't have security cameras installed here?"

Toni stopped in her tracks. Up the corridor, only around twenty or so yards away from then, a third of the distance left until the door out, was a man, all dressed in white and taller than freaking Sweet Pea, and what looked like a taser in his hands. That theory was confirmed when it sparked all of a sudden and Cheryl jumped back as a reaction with a loud whine, and the shorter girl knew immediately that it was taking her right back to the electroshock therapy of the Sisters Of Quiet Mercy.

_No... no, don't think, you need to get the actual fuck out of there right now._

The man smirked, stepping closer, and they were just frozen.

Had he tasered them already and they just didn't realise, or was it just the utter fear in the moment preventing them both from doing anything?

"Would you like to explain why you were going through the tapes in that room, or is that something we'll have to get out the long way?"

Toni clenched her jaw.

"There- there isn't anything to explain."

Another step closer. All it took for every nerve in Toni's body to tell her that she they had to fucking move it if they wanted to have the slightest chance of getting out of here alive.

But how?

The basement... the tunnels, the basement, they could get there-

But no, they couldn't... she'd already tried that with Betty, and look how that had ended?

God, where else was there?

She racked her brain for something, anything else which she could use to get them out of here-

_First floor. First floor, they were on the first floor... there were windows in every room, three metres above the ground with the foundations, not the best solution but it was the only one she could think of..._

"Cheryl, listen to me," she whispered into her girlfriend's ear, keeping a careful eye on the man in front of them. "We're going to find a window. We're going to get out of here..."

As soon as the redhead's hand gripped hers tighter, she took that as the go sign, sprinting hand in hand through the building and turning left before taking the third room on the left hand side and slamming the door behind them, turning the lock and shoving a desk against it, taking the chair and smashing it against the single glazed glass, the whole panel shattering.

There were heavy footsteps in the hallway, loud voices yelling in confusion.

She turned to Cheryl, but she was frozen.

"Ignore them-" she whispered desperately. "Ignore the voices, we need to get the hell out of here-"

The redhead whimpered.

"You go first..." she exhaled shakily as she looked down. "Toni, I'm s-scared-"

The tears in the brunette's eyes spoke louder than words. "Cher, no-"

She was cut off by the rattling of the handle, quickly followed by banging on the door and shouts from the outside.

The door was in no way strong, it wasn't made of metal like the ones in the basement; it wasn't going to last.

"Okay! Okay, Cher, I'll go first, but promise me that you'll come right down after..."

Cheryl whined.

"The drop-"

"I know! I know, babe, but I'm not going to let you get hurt- agh!"

Toni winced as the palm of her hand made contact with the sharp, cut glass still stuck in the frame, gritting her teeth at the wetness that quickly followed, pulling her other, uninjured hand out of the redhead's grip.

Another bang at the door, it wasn't going to last much longer at all-

"Go!" Cheryl cried out all of a sudden. "Go! I'm coming, baby, I am, I promise-"

Toni couldn't help the whimper which erupted from her chest, swinging her legs over the frame and cursing as she slid herself off, sounding a grunt of exertion as she hit the floor below with a thud.

Her knees fucking hurt and she'd be covered in bruises for a week, that was for sure, but thank god she hadn't landed awkwardly on her ankle as she'd feared the most. The last thing they needed was a broken bone slowing them drastically as they tried to run away from here. Dizziness hit for a second as she pushed herself up, brushing her jeans as she turned around but before she could look up to the window she'd scrambled out from, before she heard a piecing scream-

A scream she recognised too well, which made her freeze on the spot.

Her voice was trembling.

"Cheryl?"

Her heart beat impossibly faster as another scream sounded from up through the window, panic rising in her chest as she voice yelled a series of words she couldn't properly make out.

Apart from the begging for somebody to get the hell off her, which drove her blind with unquestionable fear.

"Cher -  _shit_  - run! Please!"

It was impossible to conceal the indescribable fear in her voice, petrified for her girlfriend.

"Toni, go!"

_No..._

The demand was more urgent the second time as Toni realised that she'd said that out loud.

"Toni, please! Run- ow!"

Toni shook her head desperately.

"No! I- I'm not leaving you!"

"You have to, Toni- Toni, please, run, they're coming after you..."

The screaming faded with distance, and Toni began to feel sick, her whole body trembling.

She couldn't leave her. She couldn't leave her there, in danger, in that awful place.

Cheryl was in there. They'd failed. She'd failed - she'd got out, but Cheryl hadn't, and suddenly nothing mattered... she couldn't run, she didn't want to, she had to go back and save her, but the window was far too high up and the only way back in was the entrance, it was impossible and it  _hurt_ , it hurt  _so badly..._

She didn't want to leave, not at all, and everything in her screamed to stay put, but she had to. It was quite possibly the only way to get themselves out with their heads, and Cheryl had screamed and screamed for her to run.

So that's just what Toni did, as hesitant as she was to. She ran, as fast as her shorter-than-average legs would carry her, so reminiscent of that day last year when they'd been in these exact same woods, running away from the Sisters Of Quiet Mercy, but this time she didn't have the redhead's paler hand clasped in hers with a death grip, not anymore, at least, and that thought caused her to falter for a second, slowing down for a second as a sob bubbled up into her throat and tears made it hard to tell apart trees and space to run.

What was the point?

The point was that Cheryl had begged her to keep going when everything in her told her to stay. That was the point. And she was going to do that for Cheryl, to get her out and back in her arms, her hand back clasped in hers with a death grip, too afraid let go yet again after this.

Doing her best to avoid the shadows, Toni ran was fast and far as she could away from the place, until eventually her legs grew too tired and her knees were throbbing too much and the stitch in her side grew too unbearable and she collapsed into a heap on the floor, coughing and spluttering in exertion as she tried to dial 911 with trembling fingers. She could only whimper out a few words-

"... the farm... the Sisters Of Quiet Mercy, now, please, my girlfriend- they have her, I e-escaped, but she's still there and she's in danger..."

She phoned Jughead for precaution as well. She didn't really know why, other than to make sure that FP and the rest of the sheriff's department and the serpents were coming, putting in how urgent it was. Since he'd kicked her out of the serpents for something so petty when he'd done way worse in recent weeks, their friendship had been rocky to say the least, but they were on the same page about some things.

Her and Betty had been on the same page about the farm. Betty was Jughead's girlfriend. If there was anything like that there, it was just that.

"Toni-" his voice came out panicked after she blurted out the truth in one breath. "Toni, is Betty in there? Do you know?"

Another sob was ripped from her chest and she shook her head, this time in anger more than pain and she bit down on her lip to try and stay as strong as she could but it was too hard.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream down the phone that she didn't care about Betty, because it had been Betty who had got her girlfriend into this whole mess in the first place, just like how she'd blackmailed her with the video shooting Jason, how she'd turned up at a family funeral to do some digging when Cheryl had been vulnerable.

Instead, she just cried harder. Because she couldn't blame Betty when Betty still believed that she was in with the farm. And Betty was going through her own troubles, desperate for someone to give her her family back, just like Toni had been desperate for her girlfriend back. And they were going through so much shit to get through that back.

Maybe they weren't so dissimilar after all-

Jughead was in her ear again.

"Toni... stay on the phone, alright... dad and I are on our way now, the other serpents and sheriffs are as well. Just tell me where the hell you are..."

Toni sniffled.

"I'm in some woods... Fox Forest?" she hesitated. "I ran straight from the back entrance... I'm just south, I think-"

"Can you find your location?" Jughead responded immediately. "The reception is bad there, I know, so if you don't, just keep going forward, the way you came, and we're coming in from the front. If you can find a road or anything, please... I'll get someone to pick you up-"

She nodded, not that it would do much but that thought didn't cross her mind, the only thing on it right there and then being Cheryl.

"Please, Toni, the Gargoyle King is out there in those woods as well... stay safe. We're coming to save Cheryl, I promise. Get your foot on it, dad-"

But she didn't care about the Gargoyle King. She didn't care about any other dangers in the woods. She couldn't. She couldn't function, think, act rationally or any of the likewise knowing that Cheryl was in grave danger.

 

* * *

 

One night... one night, and that was all it took for her to feel like she was back.

The last time she'd been here had been the party before the musical, merely a month ago now. Back then, it had just been the loneliness of the place which took her straight back to her head at the Sisters, that was all.

This time, it was the running which had triggered the memory in the first place. Toni coming in and saving her from... well, herself? She didn't even know. But the second her feet found their rhythm on the linoleum, she felt as if there were nuns chasing after her, and that had been what had slowed her down, stopping for not even a second before Toni pulled her only with such determination that her arm was almost pulled out the socket, but it hadn't been enough.

She'd pushed Toni out the window first, too scared to be the first and leave her and trying to make the whole process faster, but even so it hadn't been enough, and Toni had barely gotten up from the ground below when she felt a body on hers, arms wrapping around her shoulders firmly, and she'd screamed. Not in the comforting way, like she knew Toni gave her, the way the shorter girl's slim arms wrapped around her whenever she woke from any of her night terrors, or whenever they were just in Thistlehouse or at school or out anywhere together.

These arms felt like a straight jacket, restraining her from hurting anybody or herself, and she'd just seemed to... give up.

Her body was done with fight mode, and flight mode wasn't applicable to the scenario. She was exhausted from head to toe. Her heart rate was too fast, and her muscles were too tense.

She'd been tense the whole night. She couldn't have helped it. She was fucking  _terrified_.

The redhead had given up. Screamed at Toni to run for her life because she wasn't going to let the other girl risk her own for the redhead's. Screamed at Toni to stop being so selfless because she wasn't going to let the shorter girl stay here for her. Toni had to live. Toni deserved to live.

The minute she saw the brunette's face turn to nothing but horror and terror before she'd turned on her heel and sprinted was the minute Cheryl stopped fighting. Accepted her fate, almost.

She couldn't fight anymore. She'd been fighting her entire life and she didn't have a bit of the energy anymore.

Toni had provided her that energy, that strength and now Toni had to preserve that to save herself, and that was the only important thing going through her head right now. As long as Toni was safe-

Rough hands grabbed at her wrists and pulled them behind her back, and she kept her eyes directed on the floor, as she was pulled forward towards the large oak door which was all too familiar, the creak of the rusty hinge like nails on the blackboard, and she'd kept her eyes set on her lap as she was pushed down into a chair on to a desk.

"Oh Cheryl... once one is in the farm, they cannot leave just as they wish, simply like that. The farm is a permanent commitment. You will always be tied to it, up until the day you die."

She flinched away from the eerily calm voice in front of her with whimper, only to find herself looking into piercing blue eyes. The face... his face was friendly and gentle and caring, but his eyes were stone, ice cold.

Once, they had been warm and kind. But either Edgar was as good a liar as she was, much years of experience behind that quality, but he was once a genuine man who had been corrupted by the yearn for greed and money and people to follow his ways, see him as a hero.

He had been a hero. She'd given her Jason back.

She couldn't speak, couldn't act... all she could focus on was the blood rushing between her ears and the sick feeling in her stomach.

"Care to explain the sudden change in heart?" Edgar continued, his voice eerily calm and collected and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up straight. She gritted her teeth. "Personally, I like to understand the reasons why my followers don't see the worth in us anymore. Make it better for them. Improve and grow, like we grow as individuals within the farm."

_You're a liar. You lied to me. You lied to everyone._

"So," Edgar smirked. "Care to tell me, Cheryl, why you suddenly want to leave the farm? Why, when you have a family here? A family who cared about you, who didn't abuse you?"

_You promised that you'd help, but you just made things worse. Now they're irreversible and things will never be the same._

"You say that this isn't abuse, when you did the exact same as my parents did?" she whispered eventually. "You kept me in the Sisters Of The Quiet Mercy until I'd obey. Stopped me from leaving. Told me I couldn't do certain things? Told me I wasn't able to run for prom queen?" She gritted her teeth to try and stop the tears from flowing. "Y-you told me I could see Jason. You let me see Jason. And then you... you took him away from me with the simple click of your fingers. Just like my dad did. Because things weren't working out for you-"

_Smack!_

Her cheek was burning, but she couldn't stop fighting... not when this was the tiniest amount of energy she had left, and she couldn't let it go to waste.

"You promised that you'd help, but you just made things worse, Edgar," she sobbed helplessly, taking a shuddering breath every few words. "You told me that you'd help me, and you just took away my brother like that? You gave me my brother back, and then you took it from me as if- as if it was nothing. W-why? Why would you do that? Why can't you see the p-pain it's causing me?"

Edgar chuckled. Cheryl cried more.

"That wasn't without good reason, Cheryl, you must understand," he told her firmly. "You have to let go of your past, Cheryl. Jason was your past. You can't see him if you want to get better. You can't keep seeing your brother forever."

She shook her head in complete and utter defeat.

"I don't care anymore. I can't...  _I can't._  You can't take my brother away from me, not when I wanted to die so badly the first time round."

She had wanted to die. When Jason had died the first time, she'd been so alone, the depression unbearable, so much so that not a day would pass without those thoughts circulating through her head. One day, they'd got to much, and... well...

The things was, this time it was so much harder. She already knew the extent of the pain. She'd experienced the pain before, and now she was being told to go through it all again, and she didn't want to. She didn't want the pain to come back, and more than anything else she didn't want to burden Toni with her pain and grief and break downs with that. Toni deserved better than that. Toni deserved to be happy.

Edgar sat for a few moments, watching the teenager in front of him sob endlessly, before eventually sighing and leaning back in his seat.

"If that is the case, Cheryl, then, I suppose I can offer you an alternative solution," he said carefully, causing Cheryl to listen in again. "I can offer you the chance to be with Jason once again... although that does require sacrifice, as you must have already guessed from the values of the farm you've experienced so far. To get somewhere else in the world, you must sacrifice another part of your world for it."

Cheryl perked up immediately, her tears faltering for a moment as she sniffled.

"I get to see Jason again?"

A curt nod. What seemed like a sincere smile.

"Yes, Cheryl. Yes, you can see Jason, and after that, you can never be apart. The only thing you have to do," he gestured to the chalices on the table, "is choose the right chalice. Flip, and drink. If fate offers you the right one, you can be with your brother for the rest of eternity. No conditions on that."

No conditions. It seemed too good to be true.

Cheryl eyed the two chalices carefully, hesitating for a second as she looked back up at the older man with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you sure?" she asked shakily, too scared for the confirmation in case it turned out to be all one lie, just like he'd lied about her brother. Everything screamed at her not to trust him, but the possibility of being with Jason was all she wanted right now... she didn't care about anything else... she couldn't think about anything else.

"Positive."

She tried to read the older man's expression, but nothing was coming through. She picked up the coin and flipped. She read the coin, and then took a deep breath before picking up the chalice the coin told her to up to her lips, taking a deep breath, before tilting slightly, going to take a sip but pausing and glancing warily at Edgar once again, not thinking twice about the possible connotations of his smile and nod, not thinking twice about anything or anyone.

"All at once, Cheryl. All at once, and you will see Jason immediately."

_Jason._

She took a deep breath as she nodded, and, without much secondary thought, she went to swing her head back, and the liquid began to slide down her throat, the stainless steel of the chalice cold in her clammy hands-

Until it was no longer there and a crash on the floor brought her straight out of her trance, and it was only  _then_  that she had been able to acknowledge the door slamming open and the loud footsteps, and FP Jones shouting at someone to put their arms up, and everything was blurry and she felt so overwhelmed-

"Cheryl, don't you dare tell me that you've drank that-"

It was Jughead, and his voice was panicked, but her eyes were shut now thanks to the shouting in the background, and she didn't want to open them.

_She'd been promised Jason... just a little more time... and Jason would be there, with her, just like Edgar has told her he would be..._

"Cheryl, what the fuck? What have you done-"

_"Cheryl?!"_

The serpent's voice was cut off midway by another, this time immediately familiar, more footsteps, running towards her, getting closer-

Hands on her shoulders pushing her off the chair and onto the floor, supporting her as she hit the concrete of the old chapel.

"Oh, God, what have you done?"

The redhead opened her eyes, squinting slightly, and the minute she saw the pink highlights she was brought back to reality, her eyes widening before she launched herself into her girlfriend's arms and pressed herself as close as possible to her body with a sob of relief.

"Toni- Toni..."

The brunette brushed away a few strands of hair and pulled the trembling girl into her arms even tighter, refusing to let go of her, knowing that the last time she had had been the reason why she'd ended up here.

So reminiscent of that night at the Sisters... that relief, that overpowering love which had led her straight back to her regardless of the dangers the path separating them may have held...

She felt the redhead trembling, flinching as the shouting at the other side of the room escalated, and pulled her tighter in.

"Ignore them... ignore them, baby, you're safe... I'm h-"

She stopped in her tracks instantly as her eyes fixated on the chalice behind the redhead, blue, artificial-looking liquid spilled all over the floor, and a sense of dread washed over her.

_Oh, god, fuck no... she didn't..._

Cheryl whined as her girlfriend pulled away, trying to lean back into her chest, apparently not sensing her panic, and why wouldn't she?

"Cheryl, fuck- how much have you had?"

Until then.

Cheryl turned back, falling back on her butt as she did so, staring at the chalice on the floor with her girlfriend now.

"Edgar told me to drink all of it."

Toni's eyes widened. "Have you?"

"N-no-" Cheryl's voice was trembling in fear. "I don't know- I don't remember, Toni-"

"She must have drank half by the time we came in, Toni." It was Jughead's voice all over again, somewhat panicked. Worry pooled in the brunette's eyes once again, lips parted in a gasp with her eyebrows furrowed as she turned back to her, clearing her throat and quietly demanding that the serpent would call an ambulance before he ran off to go an find Betty, from the sounds coming outside the farm already infiltrated.

"Cheryl, listen," she pulled the redhead so that she was lying on her side, leaning down beside her. "Stay like this, and try and spit out everything in your mouth and your throat... don't try and make yourself sick or anything... it could make things worse. An ambulance is coming, baby, we're going to the hospital-"

Cheryl whimpered.

"I'm sorry."

Toni shook her head sadly. "Don't be. None of this is your fault, baby... just try and stay calm." She reached out to brush the other girl's hair from out of her eyes, then moving her hand to stroke her cheekbone, murmuring gently.

They were separate... Cheryl could have almost died, and the situation still didn't look too promising-

"Good girl... good girl. Stay with me, baby, the ambulance is coming... hold on, please-"

She swore she heard soft sobs as her eyes rolled in the back of her head and everything faded to black.

 

* * *

 

She blinked harshly as her eyes tried to adjust to the light, groaning softly and everything else blurred with the confusion of why there was so much bleeping around her, a stupid, annoying, repetitive chime.

The ceiling was white and made up of ceiling panels rather than the broken leather textured ceiling back at Thistlehouse, and when she reached to the sides of her, the redheads arms went past the sides of the bed.

She wasn't in Thistlehouse.

There was something in her arm... something on her finger... and something softer now on her arm, the texture of soft skin she knew all too well.

And then a soft whisper.

"Hey, baby."

Cheryl rubbed her eyes with her knuckles and groaned.

"Where am I?"

She didn't really care about what was happening. She was exhausted and her whole body felt heavy, and right now the only thing she wanted was to go immediately back to sleep, but she couldn't do that without some questions being answered.

Toni sighed as she took her hand in hers, rubbing a thumb up and down the back of it. Cheryl could feel something rough covering one of them. Rough, but at the same time, kind of soft.

"You're in the hospital," Toni smiled softly, planting a kiss on her forehead. "You've been here since last night, it's now around two in the afternoon."

Cheryl frowned.

"Oh."

Toni chuckled, shaking her head. "Is that okay, Cher? I know how much you hate hospitals, so I begged to get you a private room. You'll probably be here a few more nights"

The redhead nodded in acknowledgement, still covering her eyes again.

"You feeling a bit better, baby?"

Cheryl tried to shrug, but she assumed it didn't go far since she was already lying down. To go with that, she tried to offer her girlfriend a half smile.

"I feel like shit," she muttered. "I don't remember much... why am I here, TT? Why do I have a UV in my arm? I-"

"Breathe, Cheryl," Toni murmured, stroking her face and hushing her until her girlfriend calmed down from her moment of panic, before sighing. She didn't want to be the bearer of the bad news that she'd tried to poison herself, but she'd find out either through her of from a doctor, and with none around at the moment to pop in and invade their privacy. "How about you tell me everything you remember, and then I fill in the gaps?"

Cheryl took a moment before nodding and sighing.

"I remember... running away... and then not being with you..." she said slowly and hesitantly, thinking through every point chronologically before speaking out loud. "And then I was in a room with Edgar... the room like the chapel? And he spoke to me, but I don't remember what we were talking about..." She noticed Toni bite her lip, looking somewhat conflicted. "And then I remember you."

She tried to rack her brain for any extra detail, but she struggled to think of what happened between then and now, well over twelve hours later.

"Is that all you remember?"

Cheryl nodded. Toni then sighed and took a firmer hold on the redhead's hand, looking straight in her eyes warily.

"Cheryl... do you remember drinking anything at all?"

The redhead lay quietly in thought for several minutes, scrunching her eyebrows up, and then she shook her head. "No? Not really, Toni... d-do you? Or-"

"You drank from a chalice, laced with cyanide and some sedative."

Cheryl frowned.

"B-but... isn't cyanide poisonous?"

The look on her her girlfriend's face provided enough of an answer, and Cheryl tried to speak but couldn't find the words. Eventually, she frowned.

"Was I-"

Toni cut her girlfriend off, shaking her head. "Cheryl, Edgar tried to kill you. You weren't the first person, that's for sure, but you're probably the last. He's in prison now, awaiting court and for the case to be built. Most other farmies fled, but the rest are being questioned. They're trying to find old and current members right now and the Sisters is under tough padlock. Not much has happened, but the farm is no more. As far as everyone knows, anyway."

Cheryl tried not to let the words go straight through her, nodding as she tried to process what had happened. Silence returned to the room.

"I'm sorry."

The brunette cocked her head, staring in confusion and sympathy at her girlfriend.

"What for?"

The redheaded girl turned away, shaking her head in dismay. "I'm sorry I dragged you in."

"Baby, don't," Toni's warning was stern but sympathetic, completely and utterly determined to get through to Cheryl and articulating every world clearly as a measure of that. "This isn't your fault, Cheryl - not at all."

The redhead made a noise of protest which turned into a whimper after a short while.

"I'm tired, Toni... I don't want to be alone, but I'm tired... please..."

That was all she needed to say for the brunette to get into bed with her, Cheryl tracing her fingertips up and down the bandage on her hand, caused by the glass of the window she'd smashed before all hell broke loose, until her touch weakened and her breathing became longer and more relaxed. And as she drifted off to sleep, Toni whispered sweet nothings in her girlfriend's ear, refusing to let go of her, too thankful for fate being in their favour for what felt like the first time ever.

 

* * *

 

The first night back at Thistlehouse, Toni invited the rest of the gang over. She'd told the gang that they could have access to whatever food or anything they needed, take any room they wanted as long as they were fine with some of the members sleeping on the floor, and that the main bedroom was completely out of bounds. Safety in numbers, or something like that, had been the main motivation behind it.

Cheryl and Toni had been curled up in bed since they'd arrived home, Toni only getting up a few times to let people in, being reluctant to move from her position next to her girlfriend rather than being in pain from her bruised and sore knees (apparently that's what happens when you decided to jump three metres from a window) which hurt nowhere near as much as the idea that her girlfriend was suffering in somewhat silence.

She'd spent most of her time in the hospital doing the same, really. Three nights for default, because apparently none of the doctors understood the whole 'poisoned by a cult leader' story however many people told them that (you'd have thought that they wouldn't flinch, living in Riverdale and all, but apparently that wasn't the case), and also because they wanted to be sure that Cheryl had properly healed with no additional symptoms. In that time, they'd spoken very little, really, since neither of them knew what they really wanted to say.

Now, curled under one of the throws of their bed rather than the sheets, Cheryl arguing they were too claustrophobic and Toni not denying that either, with the redhead in one of Toni's shirts, the words were beginning to formulate. There was a movie playing downstairs (Toni was pretty sure that she recognised it to be a thriller of some sort on Netflix) some occasional loud chattering and howls of laughter from poisons downstairs, and it was providing background noise, sure, but the brunette couldn't decide whether it was too distracting.

"Do you want for me to go and tell them to turn it down a little?" Toni whispered as she planted a tentative kiss atop of Cheryl's forehead. "They'll understand, I know it."

"Don't worry about it, TT. It's a good distraction from everything going on right now," Cheryl said in an even quieter tone. "The silence is- well, it's scary. And the sounds of the jump scares are pulling me out of my thoughts. I prefer it like this."

Toni's frown deepened.

"Oh, baby..."

The redhead whimpered, burying her face into Toni's chest again and pulling her as close as she possibly could.

"He's gone. He's gone, isn't he? I want it all to stop, Toni," she sobbed quietly. "I don't want to do it all over again."

"What do you mean, Cher?"

Silence spoke louder than words and Toni pulled the redhead closer to her, shutting her own eyes to stop the tears from leaking out of them.

It hadn't even been four days, and Cheryl was already in the darkest pit of depression caused by the repercussions of all this. And Toni didn't know how to help, because the farm was everything she thought it would be, and Edgar was a whole load more manipulative than she'd ever imagined. God, it had been so hard trying to stop being dragged in as well and if it weren't for her doing this out of the sake of Cheryl.

"Things are going to get better, y'know," she murmured against her skin. "It's going to take a lot of time, but things are going to get better. I promise. I won't let you get hurt by what they did, or what they told you. I promise, Cheryl."

Except, she couldn't really make any promises at this stage. Because whilst she knew the pain of grief all to well, she'd never had to let go of the same person forever, twice.

* * *

Going back to school was harder than anticipated.

With so many students and teachers having joined the farm, the hallways seemed emptier than usual. Weatherbee had retired from teaching and gone to a different town after his involvement in the cult and knowingly letting an adult posing as a teenager amongst the kids. They had a replacement principal for the rest of the year and a new one would be recruited over summer.

It was so strange, though. Students who had once been part of the farm now wandered around with their eyes on the floor, completely disassociated with anyone else of their friends who had once been a member. Others were now absent. Only seven students turned up in biology that day. The others, the people who hadn't been affected by the farm, looked down at those ex-members like seniors looked down on freshmen on the first day.

There were a lot of arguments between the parents, students, and school body. Some argued that the school had promoted membership of a cult, for letting one help run the school musical. Others debated safeguarding. Others spoke of moving town, or transferring to a different school where there weren't 'cult clubs' being run after school and at every lunch, where kids weren't married by a cult.

Truthfully, not many of them cared that the reason why the cult had become such a popular theme had been because of how persuasive and manipulative they were. If they had understood that, they wouldn't have taken out that sort of action. But, at the same time, they were so lucky that they didn't understand, because accepting the fact that you were in a cult turned out to be harder than anyone could possibly imagine, and there were so many reasons for that. The verbal abuse didn't help one bit.

Cheryl had ran to the bathroom from her locker before third bell that day after hearing comment about the cheer captain being a member of a cult as she grabbed her maths textbook. Toni had found her five minutes after and swore to murder the person.

They didn't understand, because nobody understood this. And Cheryl was as confused as everybody else, grieving her brother for the second time, a newfound emptiness inside her.

 

* * *

 

"Are you mad at me?"

Cheryl looked up from the dressing table on the short length of the room with furrowed eyebrows. It was Friday now, seventeen days after they'd been rescued from that place, and it was time for this conversation, but Cheryl didn't seem to understand what she was talking about.

They'd kind of been reading from the different hymn sheet since they'd left the farm. Not in a good way, or a bad way, or any way at all. There was just a lot of misunderstanding between them now, gaps in understanding to be filled, and there were so many holes in their hearts and in their heads. Holes which had once been fulfilled by the farm.

It really wasn't easy.

"Why would I be mad at you, TT?"

Toni could tell when the redhead was putting up a front ever. And this wasn't one of those times. She genuinely seemed curious, and that, per se, was what it took to confirm to Toni that it was in fact time for this conversation to take place.

She bit her lip, glancing away and back down to pretend to examine her fingernails for a second before she opened her mouth to speak.

"I lied," she shrugged, voice shameful. "I lied about being on the same page as you about the farm. I told you that I was a full-fledged member when, really, I wasn't."

Cheryl sighed, a warm smile on her features once again.

"That's in the past, Toni. We don't need to worry about it."

And that's it. That was her, her girlfriend, repeating things that the farm had told her so many times before. The brunette looked at her with sad eyes and a sympathetic smile. Getting out of these situations were hard, but getting in was so damn simple.

_Like child's play._

To be honest, it was Jason's babies who wanted for him to run away from the farm. Polly was mother. Polly had attracted Alice too it. Betty had been lost, and turned to Cheryl for it... then Cheryl had been lost to the farm as well. It was like one vicious, never-ending chain, and it was that chain which Edgar metaphorically used to keep you tied in with it all.

"I lied to you, Cheryl," Toni continued. "I lied. And I feel so guilty about that now. I- I can't believe that I would lie to you. And this wasn't some white lie, Cheryl, it was me pretending to be something I wasn't. Pretending to be something I wasn't for you."

Cheryl sighed, getting up and making her way over to the bed, taking Toni's hand - a deep scar on the palm from the glass still there, and likely to last for a long time, but it wasn't like they weren't used to scars of all varieties at this point - in hers and cupping her cheek with the other, kissing her on the lips softly, remaining there for a long time, and only pulling away far enough for their foreheads to still be touching when she did.

"Toni, you lied about being in the farm because you care about me. You didn't want for me to run off and get hurt in a cult, like I did, and you refused to let me go. You risked your life for me yet again. If you hadn't been there, Toni, I don't have an idea what would have happened. You joined the farm to try and understand me, Toni - understand what I was going through and how to save me from it. Maybe you did lie, but I can't be angry because you lied in my advantage. You lied, and that's what saved me."

They definitely understood each other better than they thought they did. Or, at least, they tried to. There was a lot to understand, and a lot to consider, but they weren't ignoring that - not at all.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey, Tiny."

Toni stared up from her desk in the school library with a smile to Fangs, who was stood behind her, taking her earbud out as she paused the music on her phone. The boy smiled back at her, and for a moment it felt as if none of this serpents-poisons shit had ever happened.

God - did that even matter much anymore? With everything else going on in this town? That was, like, the pettiest thing ever.

"Mind if I sit?"

The brunette nodded, gesturing to a chair and clicking her pen, knowing from the tone in his voice that this wasn't just some question they'd find the answer to absent mindedly.

Just like she knew Cheryl, she also knew Fangs like the back of her hand. It wasn't hard when they'd grown up together... on the southside, the wrong side of the tracks finding them the right sort of friends, and they'd joked for their whole childhood how they'd grow old as serpents one day, keep living on the southside. Fangs had been the first person Toni had come out to, and it had been vice versa for the taller boy.

Yeah. Maybe they were now part of different gangs, but in the aftermath of the Gargoyle King and the Farm, they had become realigned with each other, and Toni, Fangs and Sweet Pea had rekindled their friendship, laughing in that moment over how Toni had tried to have a threesome in school hours in the depths of an existential crisis during the rehearsals of the musical, and the boys had told her that Cheryl was the right one for her.

Not that she needed to be reminded of that, but it still made her smile. And smiling was something she had to take as it came, because everything and been so gloomy since the shutdown.

"How's Kevin doing, after, y'know, the farm?" she asked, gritting her teeth at the look on Fangs' face as she asked that question.

"Eh, it's getting better, s'pose. He was pretty dragged in. So was I, but I guess I've snapped out of it now," he rolled his eyes. "You're lucky you weren't dragged in, Tiny. It's so hard to get your head back above water after that - and, no, that's not some reference to the 'initiation' to become a member. But it does confuse me how people see that and still want to get in."

Toni sighed and chuckled harshly, shaking her head and shrugging.

"Cheryl didn't have to do that, thankfully," she slumped down in her seat, rubbing her eyes. She was tired. This farm bullshit had been exhausting and the worst thing was that it still felt like it was going at full speed ahead, the brake of the freight train not pressed down in the slightest yet, and it would hit them hard some day soon, the weight of it all taking all but eternity to slow down...

"It still pisses me off that they told her that her suicide attempt was her being 'reborn', as if that's not the most horrific thing I've ever heard come out of somebody's mouth," Toni hissed, massaging her temples. "I almost did. They kept talking about it... it doesn't seem like any of it is real when you're faking taking their drugs and eating their food. But it is. It is real, and it's causing people to die, and everyone is so sucked in that they don't even realise."

"It didn't hit me how dangerous that place was, Toni. We were brainwashed... completely brainwashed. We didn't think for a single second... like, what do they actually do if somebody really does die in there? Because that obviously has to have happened before?"

The brunette shook her head.

"I don't really want to think about it, to be honest, Fangs."

The 'if' was yet another reminder of what could have been, what would have been if she hadn't been at Cheryl's side quick enough, if Jughead hadn't knocked the chalice right out of her hand, or if they hadn't realised the precise dangers soon enough. If Toni had been dragged into all of it as well, neither of them would be alive. Nor would a dozen other people, either.

They were lucky. So lucky. But they still needed the luck to remain with them for just a little bit longer, because they were still so far in the deep end, like they were stuck in the middle of the ocean, safe land miles and miles away from them, their pain being the water around them, pulling them straight down under, drowning them.

Toni whimpered, tears springing to her eyes. "I'm scared. She's hurting... so, so much, and I don't know how to alleviate her pain. It's  _terrifying_. I just w-want to help but I don't know h-how to."

"Come here, Tiny."

And just like they had been when they were serpents, Toni didn't hesitate before jumping up and enveloping herself in her friend's arms, crying into his chest.

"Tiny, trust me, what you're doing is helping. Just like it helped when you rescued her from the Sisters Of Quiet Mercy and her mother last year. And, yeah, maybe it did take time, and a lot of talking, but look how far she's come! Look how far  _you've_  come. You're a fucking amazing human being."

She wasn't. Not really. She'd told herself that many times before. But if that was how Cheryl saw her, that was all she needed.

"She loves you, Tiny, and you love her. And that's all I need to have faith in that you'll find a way."

Over time, things got easier. But, in a way, they also became harder.

Just like Toni had told her, each and every night, the Blossom had flourished and grown stronger after a particularly hard time. She'd always bounced back. Cheryl accredited that to Toni, really; she wouldn't have been capable of coming out of this with minimal scars on her heart if it hadn't been for the brunette.

Out of everything, it had been letting go of Jason which had been the issue. This time, instead of her twin brother being ripped away from her, Cheryl had to actively choose not to have him. Even whilst keeping the fact that she'd been drugged to hallucinate him wasn't really a big enough reason for her to make the decision to say goodbye. At first, Toni had been terrified of letting the redhead do anything, afraid that she'd hurt herself like the first time round, or that she'd just make herself numb to everything so she wouldn't be able to feel the pain. But the grief of her second loss of the same brother - her only family member who had ever given a single shit about her - came in the five stages.

Denial. Firstly, that she didn't even have Jason in the first place. She had hoped that was actually true because she didn't want to seem crazy to other people. People already thought she was crazy. But then the denial came in a different form. She didn't want to believe that Jason was gone. She didn't want to believe that it had been a hallucination all along.

Anger came next. Anger at the farm. Anger at her dad. Anger at Toni for her stopping the farm. She'd screamed and cried, smashed some of her nana's old crystal wine glasses left out on the side once, and pulled and tugged at Toni. And Toni had stood there, the whole time, trying to calm her, until she had to called Veronica over to try and help the girl. She'd yelled at Betty in the hallway for leading her in like that. The anger came and went in waves, some days worse than others, but everything to do with it hurt the same. She was angry. Angry at everybody. And just like the grief causing the anger, it had to exit her system one way or another.

Bargaining hurt almost as much as the four stage. All of the questions which began 'what if' or 'if I had' tugged at Toni's heartstrings. It didn't matter how much Toni told her that there wasn't anything she could have done, that there wasn't anything that anyone could have done, or that there was anything which could have stopped her being dragged in. She knew her girlfriend wasn't naive, or stupid, or anything anywhere close to anything like that, and she now just had to prove it.

The said fourth stage had been depression, and that had been the most painful. The redhead was met with the pain of losing her twin all over again, this time for good, knowing for real that he was dead. The acceptance that he'd been a ghost had been the hardest. Toni felt her heart clench every time she had to repeat those words, slowly and carefully, desperately afraid not to trigger anything or further hurt the redhead. There were days when she refused to get out of bed, would just curl up under a blanket and cry for hours, and Toni dreaded to think how she was in the aftermath of her brother's murder over a year and a half ago. It had led her to the icy banks of Sweetwater River back then, that was one thing for sure, and the brunette couldn't help but wonder if the other girl was having those thoughts again or likewise. Until the redhead would confirm whether that was true or not, Toni was perfectly fine with crawling in next to her, every inch of skin pressed against the other's, and whispering sweet nothings to her second-time bereaved girlfriend.

Acceptance was a stage she didn't really scare about, because there was no way to full accept grief, or the fact that somebody you loved had died. It didn't feel right to think that way, Toni thought to herself, so she measured the level of the fifth stage of grief in terms of the better days. The days where they were more optimistic. The days where the topic of the farm only came up once or twice. And over time, the better days become more in quantity and quality, and there was a new sense of hope between them.

She couldn't forget the day Cheryl had been the one to bring up the discussion of therapy. Or the day that Cheryl had made a joke about the farm which shone in her eyes as well. She smiled at the memories of the better days. They weren't always there, sure, but that was life. And life in Riverdale was hard. Especially when you were a Blossom who had been indoctrinated into a cult.

"I don't know," Cheryl said one evening, sat in their room in Thistlehouse as they spent most evenings these days, neither running off to the farm and Toni agreeing to work less over the period and that continuing, Veronica completely understanding yet again.

Toni furrowed her eyebrows, turning away from the laptop screen which was showing the latest episode of some TV show the redhead had got her into. For the hundredth time, that was.

"Don't know what, babe?"

Cheryl hesitated, looking for a second like she would shake her head and pretend she hadn't said anything at all, but Toni paused the episode, drawing a tired sigh and shrugging.

"So much crap has happened these past few years. My whole life, actually, but these past few weeks have made me realise it more. And I've... lost track of what's real and what's just in my head. It's just... strange."

Toni sat up straighter, cocking her head slightly.

"Anything I can do to help, baby?"

"It feels like one blur... everything is blurring together and I want to try to forget, but at the same time I don't. It's just so hard to distinguish between things."

Toni frowned in thought. "Have you ever seen 'The Hunger Games' or read the books?" she questioned. Cheryl laughed.

"Everyone's seen those movies. Even me. I don't sit and watch 'Bring It On' every time I get a movie out. Even you know that."

"Okay... okay, fine, I'm stupid. Everyone has seen  _'The Hunger Games'_." Toni smirked before her tone turned serious again. "But, if you didn't die of boredom during the last two movies, would you remember that game. Not really a game, actually, but more like questions and answers. True or not true. Something like that, anyway."

"You want to play some game created by a trilogy of books dragged out unnecessarily into two films, TT?" Cheryl smirked.

"Fine! It was a bad idea. I admit to that."

Cheryl rolled her eyes at her girlfriend as she giggled, reaching into the big bowl of popcorn at the same time as Toni did, smiling as their hands brushed together. Just like the first time. Or, at least, it would be if Toni hadn't taken the chance to grab Cheryl's hand playfully, spilling popcorn over the duvets, which was followed by a moan from Cheryl.

"No, Toni- we can try it. Maybe it will help. It's worth the shot," Cheryl shrugged. "If not, we can go back to watching this show again. Be honest. Tell me everything I miss, or forget, or change."

Toni smiled lopsidedly, a hint of sadness in her eyes. Of course there was. The farm wasn't the happiest, most enjoyable of topics ever...

"When it comes to everything apart from whether or not I'm actually in the farm, I'm always honest, Cher," she said sincerely, grabbing some of the popcorn in her hand. "Hit me, if you want to try."

The brunette sat, waiting patiently for the other girl to think of something to ask, before, eventually, she seemed to think of one, perking up.

"Real or not real: I joined the farm to help Betty, but some time along that, I decided to actually join."

Toni nodded in confirmation.

"Real. From what I know, you didn't seem bothered at first, but then the concept of talking about your problems won you over, and then he let you see Jason, and you wanted to join."

The brunette could see the cogs turning in the other girls head, and she raised a hand to stop the apology before it came, unnecessarily as it was, smiling sadly and comfortingly at her instead until she nodded.

"Real or not real: that... makes me selfish?"

Her heart dropped as the thought of her girlfriend thinking in that way.

"Not real, babe," she reassured. "Not at all. You were helping your cousin and a cult leader did what cult leaders do: manipulate. You were in pain, and he took advantage of that."

Toni exhaled.

"And you want to know another reason why you're not selfish, Cher?" Toni continued, intertwining her fingers with her, smiling gently and trying to urge a similar expression from the other girl. "You went out there, willing to help your cousin by going undercover in the farm, risking it all, for her. You wanted to help her - that's such an advancement from when I first met you, Cheryl... in that bathroom, overhearing you try to cause drama for their boring straight couples' weekend! That girl made you go up in court, stating that you were in favour to the man who was involved in your brother's murder case, but you still tried to help, and, guess what: that isn't the first time. You're the exact fucking opposite selfish, Cher... you're so fucking selfless!"

"Jason is a ghost," there it was; no response to the original question, a quick, quiet cover-up for her emotions whenever they ran too low or high. "Real or not real."

It was inevitable that this would be a question on the list, but it still hurt like hell. Pulling her girlfriend closer towards her and wrapping her arms around her waist, too afraid to let go in case she slipped to back to the farm or whatnot, she drew a deep, shuddering breath.

"Real. But then, maybe not, actually; I suppose he was more a hallucination than anything, created by the farm. They gave you that water in the interview room, remember? And the candles had something weird in them. You only saw Jason  _at_  the farm, remember? In that room? If he were a ghost, you'd see him elsewhere. At the farm, Jason was a drug-fuelled hallucination used to take advantage of you by a horrible person who didn't care about you. But it's okay now; it's over, and you're safe, and you're not crazy like people say you are."

Toni watched on, pained at the way Cheryl clung to every word, the way she just seemed to lose hope with each passing sentence. It was painful... stupidly painful how the farm had manipulated her into thinking that her brother was alive, how she clearly so desperately wanted for all that they'd told her to be true, despite already subconsciously knowing that it wasn't.

"Real or not real: Jason is gone. Dead. I'll never see him again."

Was that question worse than the one before?

"Real," Toni bit her lip, struggling to keep her tears in as she kissed her cheek, at complete loss of words. "I'm sorry, Cheryl, Jason is dead. But he's still here. I know he's here with you... my grandfather taught me to believe in the afterlife, that my parents were looking down and guiding me or something. The whole description of it is blurry to me now, to be fair, but the concept remains the same. I think Jason is here with you, but not in person or figure. He still  _cares_."

In the end, it was a simple nod of acknowledgement which brought the tears to the conversation. Because it was out. The words that Jason hadn't been real, nor was he coming back, had been spoken aloud in the calmest, most patient way, by the best, most patient person to ever enter Cheryl's life. Someone who didn't take pleasure in someone's pain, like Penelope who had for the girl's whole life, or caused it or walked her straight to it, set her in front of it, and watched it happen as if it didn't matter. And it was one step closer to healing - something they both - scatch,  _all_  - needed right now.

Two healing girlfriends, in one healing town, barely able to recover from one tragedy before being bombed down with the terrifying fear of another.

But they had each other. And that was worth living for.

"Thank you, TT."

"Never say thank you for something again, I swear, Cheryl," Toni giggled, pushing back a lock of her hair, pausing as her grin widened. "Wait; unless it's when we have kids, because we're going to have to set a good advantage. I can't deal with the sort you see who scream in shops because their parents won't buy them useless shit."

"Really going there, Toni? Talking about kids?" Cheryl couldn't hide her smile of genuine happiness and the true love.

"You say that as if  _you're_  not the one who talks about kids the most."

Toni smirked, snapping the laptop down and leaning on her elbow, inches away from her girlfriend, before leaning in and taking the other girl's bottom lip between her teeth, relishing in the soft moan which came in response.

"Final question, and my turn this time," Toni murmured between the series of kisses as she reached behind to unclasp Cheryl's scarlet coloured bra, travelling further down to her neck. "Real or not real: you have the world's hottest girlfriend."

Cheryl gasped, Toni relishing in the way that the paler girl arched her back as she travelled further and further down her body.

" _Definitely_  real."

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: @daisofrvd  
> Tumblr: @writteninurheart


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